The People Of Hawaii Will Never Know The Feeling Of Wearing Tall Boots, Tights, And A Dress in 30 Degree Weather.

Other possible titles for this post:

Katie’s and Paul’s Wedding

How I re-met my husband

What I did on my Spring Break

Kids? What kids? Who has kids?

My vacation with Meg

My skin hates the sun

Best wedding I’ve ever attended

Ladies and Gentlemen….Phil Dunphy

A couple of weeks ago, on the very same day that Kate and William were married, one of my best friends, Katie, married her prince.

It’s a darn good thing nobody ever passed me the mic at the wedding because I would have either given a speech using fairy tale analogies, or I would have started singing Kenny Rogers,The Gambler, with Ryan Prentice.

I wouldn’t have put anything past me on that trip. Steve kept saying my limiter switch was off.

Going to Hawaii with Steve was the first time in our 8 years and 9 months of marriage that we have ever gone on vacation without the kids.

Here is why you should not wait 8 years and 9 months of marriage before going on vacation without your kids.

The morning we left for the airport, Steve went to the bank and I asked him to stop and get me a Tall Americano with cream at the coffee shop next door. When he came home he said I didn’t know if you meant real cream, or nonfat milk. So I guessed.

He guessed wrong.

I then sent Katie a message telling her of his horrible error and how I thought this was going to be a long 5 days getting to know each other. Her response was You like it with cream, lots of it. She was right. I then asked her to ditch Paul, run away with me, and we could live a very happy life together, each knowing the other’s coffee order. But, with the other guests already arriving in Maui, she declined my offer and here I am, still with Steve.

8 YEARS AND 9 MONTHS is a long time to not know how your wife likes her coffee.

The End.

On to the wedding.

I think I may have been more nervous and excited about the trip than the bride herself. I think I fretted more about my hair, makeup, and dress than Katie did about hers. Katie was the exact opposite of what you expect someone days away from their wedding to be. I envy that in her. Katie takes all things in stride (except when Simone is teething). And, in the end, her wedding was the most beautiful, intimate, and memorable wedding I have ever attended. She and Paul did it right. I was honored to make the guest list. I cried when I saw Katie emerge with her dad. I didn’t cry at my wedding, or my sisters weddings. Katie, I love ya.

So, what did we do the other 4 days on our trip?

During the day we bounced back and forth from the beach to the pool.

The nights I’m trying to piece together through photos, flashbacks, anecdotal stories told to me by Steve and the other teenagers we vacationed with (The Prentices). From what I’m told, and what I remember, I had a phenomenal time.

We made fun of people who were there with their kids.

We snorkeled one day. We napped, read, and did nothing else the others.

We talked about making it an annual trip.

We vowed never again to vacation without The Prentices.

We made endless comparisons between Steve and Phil Dunphy of Modern Family.

Steve and I learned that we should stay married to each other because very few other people enjoy us.

Steve and Ryan became FB friends.

We thought about the kids, but didn’t call them because Grandma Pat said if we did we would ruin them.

I lazily admired Meg’s abs, Ryan’s hats, and their combined collection of sunglasses.

I didn’t puke. Meg did.

I got a heat rash, but not a sunburn (or a tan).

We didn’t take nearly enough photos, but these are what we did capture.

Big Shout Out to Grandma Westover for taking both kids for us. Pretend we bought you a Burberry coat and purse. That’s how much we appreciate you.