Maybe a Little Understated

Steve said he ate "a little" of the Halloween candy and I might need to go buy some more.

Right, and I drank "a little" at Cousin Deirdre's wedding.

Dear Fred, Gus, and Steve

Dear Fred,

Please stop digging in the yard and eating the carpet and dog beds. It makes me hate you a lot.

Love,

Forever Faithful to Eddy.

Dear Gus,

Please stop having diarrhea. It makes me hate you a lot.

Love,

Eddy's #1 Fan

Dear Steve,

Did you ever think Eddy was a perfect dog when he was alive? 

I did. 

Told you so.

Love,

Your Wife

Pumpkins 2011, Possibly the Last of the Patch

Check the patch off the list of things I have to do as a Mom. If you know me, you know I detest crowds, fairs, parades, water parks, theme parks, zoos, petting zoos, pumpkin farms, and pretty much anything else that screams community and fun. I don’t know what happened in my youth. I simply can’t explain it. I’m happy with a couch and a television near a well stocked refrigerator. You can keep your kettle corn, hay rides, roller coasters, fried butter and the lines that come with them. BUT, I go to pumpkin farms because I love my kids. AND, I do my darndest to get outta there as soon as the gourds have been chosen and a few memories have been documented.

I’m happy to announce that Finn has put an end to the annual trip to the country to get pumpkins, and not a moment too soon because apparently Niamh is now 17 and posing for her senior photos on a tractor wheel.

Today, one day after our trip to the vast fields of Redmond, we were at QFC for groceries. Upon leaving the parking lot, Finn said, Hey, Mama, I see pumpkins over there (right next to the orange and apple carts). Why did we drive to the country when they have pumpkins right here?

I don’t remember what I said about why we leave the comforts of home to get pumpkins so far away in mud when we could just toss a few in the grocery cart next to the mini bagels. Whatever I said, it seemed silly to Finn. So, I asked him if next Halloween we could just get our pumpkins from the grocery store. He said, Yeah, the pumpkin patch has dirty pumpkins that are flat and sideways. The ones here are way more better.

Finn, I love you.

There Are Three Types of Matter, The Most Important One Is Liquid

At dinner, Steve likes to quiz the kids. Sometimes its Math. Sometimes Spelling. Niamh and Finn love it.

The latest quiz was a Science question.

Steve: Finn, name a liquid.

Finn scrunched up his nose thinking, then gave his answer. Beer! 

I should home school him. I've obviously taught him something.

SBAR, Television in the Morning

Situation: Monday-Friday, between the minutes of 8:50-9:10am, we all hate each other.

Background: Niamh and Finn want nothing more than to sit in front of the television and rot before leaving for school.

I want nothing more than to sleep until 7:15am.

I need an hour and a half to get ready in the morning. I know its hard to believe that the results seen after my morning routine take 90 minutes to achieve. Believe it. It could be much worse.

You might also find it hard to believe that hard bonnet dryers still exist and that gals under the age of 72 use them. Believe it.

 After I awake at 7:15am, I go to the kitchen, grind some beans, start some coffee. Then, I call Niamh and Finn to come up for breakfast. Finn has Raisin Bran, Niamh has Frosted Mini Wheats. I tell them that before they go down to watch more television, they have to get dressed, brush their teeth, have socks on and know where their shoes, coat, and backpack are. Then, I get in the shower and start the process of making me look like the me I am in public…..which is very different than the me I look like when I’m grinding my coffee beans.

8:45ish, I skip down from my closet yelling at Niamh and Finn that it is time to leave. They never seem to hear me the first 3 minutes I’m yelling. I refill my coffee.

8:50 arrives with a lot of yelling and threats.

They can never find their coats. Niamh always chooses the wrong shoes, as in flip flops in the rain or dress shoes for gym day. Finn always has on yesterdays socks. Niamh’s hair is always a tangled mess and she can’t find her brush. I’m mad because now its too late to walk and its ridiculous that we have to drive 6 blocks and IF YOU WOULD ONLY GET READY LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO AND STOPPED WATCHING TELEVISION, WE WOULDN’T HAVE THIS FIGHT EVERY DAY.

Yesterday it ended with NO MORE TELEVISION IN THE MORNINGS, EVER!

Assessment: This morning, they painted.

This is a mess that the adults will have to clean up. The adults in this house don’t like to clean up kid messes.

Recommendation: We need to negotiate a way Niamh and Finn can earn back television privileges.