Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Why I Hate My Dogs-an essay by Fiona Shaw Westover

I hate my dogs because at 2:00 this afternoon my well organized day ended and it was all their fault.

At 2:00 this afternoon, I arrived home from a lovely lunch with friends with plans to finish prepping dinner, complete my Web Based Training that is required before a training day for work tomorrow, and do some work on my Christmas slideshow. After that, I was going to get the kids from their after school program, do homework with Niamh, and have a healthy dinner that was in the works since yesterday when I put my organic boneless skinless chicken breasts in a delicious buttermilk and spice marinade.

Instead of completing my well organized list of tasks, I came home to 2 dogs surrounded by the insides of their dog bed. That sight completely derailed the rest of my day. 

I cleaned up their mess so that it didn't get any worse. I threw away their 312th dog bed in 1 1/2 years. I put the breading on the chicken (hoping that we would still be able to eat a good meal tonight). I picked the kids up early from their after school program. We all sat in traffic for an hour on the way to Costco to get the 313th dog bed in 1 1/2 years. We all got lost on the way to Costco to get the 313th dog bed in 1 1/2 years because I took the Viaduct which I haven't taken since they tore part of it down and I couldn't figure out how to get across all the railroad tracks and dead ends to connect with 4th Ave. 

When we got to Costco, the first thing we did was get pizza at the $1.50 cafe because I realized we wouldn't be eating my well balanced meal before 8pm.

We bought the dogs their 313th and 314th dog beds (because I was sure Dumb and Dumber weren't stopping at 313 dog beds destroyed), got in the car and headed home in more traffic. 

But wait, the dogs piss me off even more!

When we got home, I turned on the oven, determined to eat some of my chicken tonight, and went down to feed the Butt Heads. Guess what! I used up the last of their f'ing overpriced dog food. WHICH MEANT I had to go out and get them more TONIGHT because I work in the morning and Steve won't be able to get them any before he goes to work tomorrow morning and the last thing I want is for the Little Shits to tear up their 313th dog bed in 1 1/2 years because they are hungry and mad. 

OH EM GEE. I put the stupid chicken in the stupid oven, set 25 degrees cooler than the recipe stated, because I then put the stupid kids in the stupid car and left the house with the stupid chicken in the stupid oven to get the f'ing dogs their Limited Ingredient Dog Food because did I mention that Gus has food allergies? HE DOES.

When we got home, the chicken was almost done, Niamh confessed that she left her homework at school which was fine because it was 8:00 and we didn't have time to do homework anyway, the kids got ready for bed, I tasted the chicken which was divine, and the dogs fell asleep on their 313th bed in 1 1/2 years.

I hate them.

P.S. Make this recipe. Its delicious.


Katie said...

They are damn cute though...

Meg said...

I give your essay an A+. You're a good mama to your little deliquents. And your chicken was fabulous...even cold (I tried it...remember, you offered me a bite, and not Katie, and she kept saying over and over and over and over that she wanted a bite). Then she called my hair dry.